Welcome - European Network on Family Group Conference

A huge relief

My name is W., and I’m 18 years old. My family held a family group conference (FGC) two years ago. We are from Syria.

The family group conference is very important for many families who are facing difficulties. One example is the problem my family and I had. Child protective services took us, my two brothers and me, away because of a problem with our father, and we were placed in a foster family; later, we were split up among three foster families. It was supposed to be temporary, but because of COVID-19, it took longer than expected before we could return to our father. At first, our father was shocked, and we all had a lot of questions running through our minds.

At the time, the Youth Welfare Office had decided to hold an FGC. It was something completely new for me and my family. That said, I immediately had a feeling that it would end well. Everything went according to plan. They explained to us what it was and how it worked, and everyone was very relieved and satisfied with the outcome. The meeting was scheduled so that everyone had time to attend without having to miss out on anything. We had the support of our neighbour and an acquaintance, which helped us find many solutions. The foster mothers were also there at the beginning. They had gotten to know us, what kind of children we are, and shared their impressions of us with our father. They also told him what we’re capable of and how we’d been doing while we were with them. That was very important to our father because he hadn’t seen us for several months. He’d been very worried about us, so he also got to meet and hear from our foster families.

However, it was difficult to get the Youth Welfare Office involved because our father didn’t want the caseworker to come into the apartment. But we found a solution: the woman participated via video, and everyone agreed to that.

We thought preparing the room was important. I think it emphasized the special nature of the gathering and helped create a good atmosphere. We hadn’t been home in a long time and were very excited. Our father lovingly set up the living room and cooked our favourite meal for us and, of course, for the guests as well. It was also important to us that everyone ate, because that was our father’s way of showing his hospitality and proving that he can take good care of us.

Then we discussed who would lead the discussion and take minutes, a role our friend took on, and before we turned the conversation inward, we went around sharing compliments. This created a positive atmosphere and highlighted the strengths of us children and our family. It was also important for everyone to hear something positive from the others. During the family discussion, we took time to identify which points were important to whom and what was on everyone’s mind. Next came the discussion of the topics, followed by documenting the results, and finally, a nice closing.

What I loved about the family group conference was that every family member—including us kids—was allowed to speak without being interrupted and without fear of any consequences. Everyone present is treated as an ‘equal’ and valued for their free expression, their own mind, and their own ideas. We looked for solutions that would satisfy everyone, and later on, everyone stuck to the rules and there were no more problems. The woman from Child Protective Services also agreed with our plan, and so we were able to go back to our father.

Our FGC was a huge relief. My brothers and I learned from it how to express ourselves and resolve conflicts through conversation. It wasn’t about having a perfect process, but about the family coming together again as a community. That’s why I think the FGC is so important, because it’s a process that can support and guide decision-making and problem-solving in difficult family situations, and it will be important for many families. At first, our father wasn’t on board and was still in shock, but in the end, everything was addressed with good answers, and afterward, the family group conference became very important to our father. He was completely relieved, as were my brothers and I.

W.

A story form Germany

(translated with DeepL.com, free version)