Welcome - European Network on Family Group Conference

When change takes time 

The message reached the FGC coordinator whilst she was out shopping. She put down her shopping basket and read it again: “Hello, how are you? I’m starting treatment next week, I wanted to let you know!” It arrived six months after FGC she had helped organise for her thirteen-year-old Marc. Marc’s story began with his birth. His mum was left to raise him on her own, and her life gradually became more complicated, not only because of her drug addiction. Nevertheless, she tried to look after her son as best she could. She moved house, looked for somewhere to live and tried to create a stable home for him. Eventually, she lost her home and Marc ended up in a children’s home.

Despite all the difficulties, a strong bond remained between them. Marc loved his mum and missed her; she kept in daily contact with him.

FGC was therefore not just about what would happen to Marc. It was about his whole family. Eight adults from the extended family sat down at one table; some had not seen Marc for several years. The meeting was powerful and moving. Together, the family drew up a plan, which included re-establishing contact with Marc and supporting his mum so that she could start treatment.

It was precisely this treatment that the experts had been urging her to undertake for a long time. However, it turned out that a task which might seem simple from an expert’s perspective – ‘starting treatment’ – might not be at all realistic without the family’s support. Nor was it realistic immediately after the conference. It took another half a year before mum made up her mind.Then the news came.

FGC doesn’t always bring about immediate change. It doesn’t have to resolve the situation in a single day. But it can create a space in which something important begins to happen: bringing people together, recognising their strengths, and drawing up a plan that takes into account the fact that some steps take time.

Marc had one more important task whilst preparing for the meeting. He wrote a song about his life, about what he’d been through, what he was afraid of and what he longed for. It was played at the meeting. Thanks to it, Marc’s voice was heard.

Change doesn’t begin with a decision. Sometimes it begins when people come together, start listening to one another and give it time.

 

The Longing for Freedom
lyrics: Marc, aged 13

My name’s Marc, my clan is in my heart,
Mum’s my partner in crime, I’m never alone.
My granny’s a rock who’s always there for me,
and Mum’s love protects me all my life

One day in court, everything changed,
they told me ‘go out the door’, and something inside me snapped,
I was waiting for Mum, a strange man came along,
he asked where I was going, I cried like a little boy.

They said that if I didn’t go, they’d use force,
supposedly ‘coercive’, but I have a firm faith within me,
sweets in their bag – they couldn’t buy me!
I wanted to hug Mum, not let myself be persuaded.

Then at the Emergency Care Facility for Children, ten months, a long time,
the food only tasted good again with the new cook,
Aunt Vera was lovely, she believed in me,
but the social worker scared me with her diagnostic forms.

It was all too much; I wanted to talk to Mum,
I couldn’t ring her, so anger swirled through my head,
the case hearings, that’s where the decision was made,
that I’d go to a children’s home, and all I felt was rejection.

But I’m carrying on, I’ve got my family behind me,
even though they’ve thrown me into storms and wars,
I’m riding my scooter, the wind at my back;
they can’t erase my story, it’s as steady as my breath.

I want to go home, to Mum, to hear her voice,
life in the children’s home isn’t what I want,
I want to call Mum, write to her, hug her again,
I’m not a bad person, I just miss home, that sense of peace.

At school they expect too much of me,
I’m studying, I’m really working hard, but I’ve only day and night,
when I bring home a bad mark, they take my dreams away,
they say I won’t be able to go to any after-school clubs; my childhood is slipping away.

At dinner, the form tutor humiliated me,
saying I’m too dependent on Mum,
does that make me a bad person in your eyes?
She’s my peace of mind when I’m down

And I ask…
Who hears me when I scream in silence?
Who decides on my childhood, as if it were property in a file?
Who bears my fear, when I carry it alone?

I’m not some file, I’m not a number in a folder,
I’m not your plan, I’m not a product of your mould.
I’m a lad with dreams and a desire to live them,
and even when they break me, I won’t hide away.

We’re planning a family get-together,
no more threats – we’ll spend time together,
I’ll let everyone know who I am and what I’ve got,
my name is Marc – and I’m never alone!

 

A story from the Czech Republic

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